Manipumility

The following is something that needs to be said. I say this because it seems that the vast majority of people are operating on false pretenses when regarding this subject. Time and time again I've seen this logical fallacy used as a trump card for any difficult to solve issue related to one's personality. I'm talking, of course, about manipulative humility, also known as manipumility.

Manipumility is when someone has a predisposition to some unsavory character trait--let's use "takes offense too easily" as our example in this case--that ze is well aware of. However, instead of solving this longstanding character flaw, this person instead openly proclaims the problem for all to hear. This happens especially frequently when the person in question first meets someone. Ze will take offense to something, recognize hir overreaction, and say something to the extent of, "Oh, yeah, I do that all the time. I very prone to it. Just so you know." The implied meaning here is, "This is going to keep happening no matter what, so you either need to learn to deal with it or change your behavior so it doesn't happen again." 

Manipumility is a powerhouse tool of any social construction set. The person wielding it finds hirself in a very advantageous situation, as the recipient, presumably innocent and ethical, has only a few options available that don't involve trickery and tomfoolery. Ze can say, "Oh, that's alright," and change hir behavior in accordance with hir acquaintance. Ze can say, "Well, I guess I will have to deal with that!" and simply learn to ignore the outbursts. Or, ze can what I am saying, which is, "That's a bullshit excuse and you know it! If you are aware of the fact that this behavior is not socially acceptable, and you know the situations that trigger it, then you have no one and nothing to blame but yourself." 

This brings up another classic sidearm of the argumentatively-inclined: the "telling it like it is". This is, of course, being incredibly blunt and even insensitive; being aware of the fact; and, when confronted by the slighted associate, saying, "Hey, I'm not going to bullshit you. I'm just telling it like it is. That's the TRUTH for yo' face!" This, of course, warrants a limited set of responses: "Word, thanks for the straight troof yo, I didn't even realize I was trippin'" "I think you're mistaken good chum, but indeed thanks for the helpful words of wisdom!" or "Hey, you insensitive turd! STFU with your 'like it is'! I don't want it!"

Of course, the choice you make as a response to your low-blowing friend depends on a lot of factors, and depending on the level of the infraction, one of the first two responses may be appropriate. However, about 80% of the times either of these weapons are used, the best decision is the last one. Telling people that you know what they're doing and that you won't let them get away with it will help to breed this behavior out of the meme pool. This may lead to some conflicts to start with, but if you lead by example and enforce these ethical rules of discourse with respect, I think people will oblige. 

Part of the problem is not being aware of the problem. Especially once we get past a certain age, we trick ourselves into thinking that we are who we are, and we will never drastically change our identities (behaviors). We see our shortcomings and instead of viewing them as challenging puzzles that lead to personal growth, we cover them up with one excuse or another, whether it be psychological or pharmacological. Thus, when someone sees a problem that interferes with their lives, like being annoying or boring, they make excuses the treatment. You can't hold something against someone who is helpless to control it, right?

So, try it out! The next time you see yourself tempted to explain away a behavior by saying it will never change, take a different tact! It may be true that it is an integral part of your personality, but that doesn't mean it can't change. It just means you have to try a little harder to change it, which means you'll have to want to change it a little bit more. But hey, nothing good comes easy, right?

'Llusionisto

P.S. Don't let this turn into meta-manipumility! This is not an excuse to find an equally BS tactic and use it instead. Ethics first!