Probably isn't fair to my future self to post so infrequently, and in such a mood. I haven't been dour lately. I've been pretty good. But today was a bad one.
One of those days where nothing goes right, and in addition, everything goes wrong. Every benefit of the doubt I've granted was taken advantage of. My every attempted empathy went punished. Subtle basic leanings towards progress were quashed. I can feel it in my chest. Like I want to cry, but I don't even deserve to. Like I feel ashamed for being down. Like I don't deserve to feel the emotions I am, and not out of a "life's not fair", but an "others are more valid for them". And yet I can't stop it.
Ownership, possession, feeling pigeonholed by the world that never asked for my opinion. It seems that the older people get, the less human they become. The more their vision tunnels. The periphery fades into dreams, then nightmares, then nothing. Sequester the dead feelings in the back dark reaches, and most people die before they come up again. They die happy. But a tainted happy, a happy built on the quivering rock of forgetting what matters and never retracing. It's fake, drugged, dragging the dredge of social druggery.
They say you can't blot their drugs out with your own. No, hegemony, oppression, religion, destiny, false hopes and fake dreams, standards met by .000%, a full nothing, infinitely distancing itself, made to be unattainable, this is all that we have been given to live for, this is what props up that shell of humanity that wisps away slowly with age.
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